New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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