fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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