Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
