Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
