you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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