i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
