So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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