True but thats because hes a fetus.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
