I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
