And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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