I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
