am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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