Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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