It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she smelled like a LAN party
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Who died my cat blue again?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
