ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
