Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
