Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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