You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I party with great urgency now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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