i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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