hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
