how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
