Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
