I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
