Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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