Can Purell be used as lube?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
