Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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