Old men and throwing up are my life now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
