if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
