U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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