Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
