I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
