Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
