I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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