I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
