I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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