Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
