gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
PANTIES FOUND
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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