Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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