I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This house was built for laser tag.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
