he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
