in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
