why didn't you poke me back
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
wow bdsm is so cute
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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