Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
