if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
