We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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