# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize