U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize