Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
