did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
