Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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