We're like a lot better than the average bears
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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