There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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