I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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