im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize