the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
