Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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