While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
