oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
