so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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