Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
being pregnant is like rehab
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
