At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
