2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
