we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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