CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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