So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
