I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
