Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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