Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
