I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
