And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
