i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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