I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
