one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ketchup is God's man juice
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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