so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
