I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
