So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the day after is always just damage control
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
