you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
