hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
