I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
