He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
