I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
