STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
