True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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