I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
