your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
