This girl is more easily done than said...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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