it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
