Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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